Garbage Dumping is Not a Good Idea
This sort of sharing is NOT healthy for a marriage relationship. When a spouse feels compelled to reveal all, although it may seem honest and open on the surface, in reality it may not be.We encourage that anyone who has a deep, dark, hidden secret from many years ago think twice before sharing it with their spouse. Seek counseling, individual therapy, or visit a pastor or priest first. Otherwise, you could be transferring a burden from one set of shoulders to another. It can become a no-win situation for the wronged spouse.
Joseph Champlin wrote in Alone No Longer,
"If the wronged spouse becomes angry and unforgiving, the guilty partner then can feel the deed was justified from the beginning; if the offended partner, on the other hand, is very accepting and understanding, the culpable spouse may believe it was not such a bad action after all."
Difficult Concept
This is a difficult concept for many couples, especially on Marriage Encounter, Engaged Encounter and Retrouvaille weekends. These weekends encourage confidence and openness, but they also stress that (Champlin quote again..)" this is not garbage dumping, nor the revelation of some action or event (that would be confession), but the decision to be more honest and open with my beloved."
Difference Between Honesty and Garbage Dumping
There is a thin line between being open and honest, and garbage dumping. There is a difference between confession and openness. The Catholic Engaged Encounter writes in its Guide to Writing Openness in Communication, "Confession deals with past behavior while openness deals with present attitudes and feelings."
Bottom Line
- Secrets can destroy a marriage.
- Lying to a spouse can create enormous problems.
- Honesty is essential in a healthy marriage.
When we use the term Garbage Dumping, we mean bringing up things from your past in order to hurt your spouse.
We are not talking about discussing an infidelity so that a couple can begin the healing process and hopefully rebuild their marriage.
Garbage Dumping is telling about something done many years ago to relieve your own guilty feelings.
